The idea for this post is taken from A(n)nals of Online Dating, which offers a hilarious and terrifying look into online dating messages. I think the format might lend itself well to an exploration of the weird and occasionally wonderful world of fetlife dating, don’t you?
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From: [redacted]
To: FemmeDomme
Subject: Hi there
hello, how are you. I read your profile and have to say I loved it, many of your interests/curious about match mine and I would have to say I would be curious to meet with you and discuss further and see if we could act on it. I will admit I am newish to this and probably a bit niave [sic] too, but only one way to get experience.
I am married to a very vanilla wife, and she does not know yet of my being on here, in part I am wanting to try it before considering telling her. I would love to hear from you and hope I can interest you.
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The first part of this message looks okay. I mean, he doesn’t ask me about myself, or tell me anything about himself, and he is only talking about my sexual interests and just wants to fuck, but hey it’s obviously written by someone who is literate and can spell ‘experience’ and that’s more than I can say about plenty of other messages I have gotten. HOWEVER:
+3 points – this message was sent to me by someone twice my age and he would have known this from my profile
+10 points – this message was sent to me with an accompanying picture of the squashed and locked up penis of its author. And some things, once seen, cannot be unseen.
+5 points – he wants to mess around without his wife knowing, so that he can go back and tell her whether or not he’s kinky! Wow, that sounds like an appealing arrangement to involve myself in.
Bonus points: when I told him I wasn’t interested because he was married and twice my age he sent me a snide response about how I am judgemental and close-minded. +7.